"I'm Pregnant"

I really didn't find out the way I always thought I would. About the end of Februrary I started to have alot of pain. Thinking it was my time of month even though I was late because I had the same problems back in December, but I didn't give it much thought until it got worse. Basically to the point of me not even being able to sleep. So I made an appointment to see the doctor. That was about March 4. He checked me out for cysts and told me that he saw something funny on the ultrasound, so decided to send me for a pregnacy test just to be safe. He sent me home with pain pills and told me that probably when my time of month comes that it will be painful.

The next morning around 8am, the doc calls and says "Your pregnacy test came back POSITIVE" . My response was "Your kidding". I was in total shock. Then he proceeds to tell me that he has concerns. He didn't see a baby on the ultrasound and my hormone levels were low. He was thinking that I was having a tubal pregancy. So we told our parents and asked them to keep it to themselves until we know something more. Over the next couple of days and week I had 5 more blood tests and 3 more ultrasounds to try and find out where the baby was. The thought was that maybe it was too early and that is why they couldn't find it, or the worse. Because of all the pain, we just weren't sure. The pain thank goodness was getting better and my hormone levels were going up. But.........still.............no baby to be seen.

During this time it was very hard for Will and I. We were afraid to be excited about something that may not be. Stuck in limbo was the worst. But it was also a time of Faith. To have Faith that God had us in the palm of His hands and that no matter what happens we were going to just be OK.

So had an ultrasound scheduled for Friday, March 13, and told everyone it was on the next tuesday. We did that incase we still didn't know anything so we wouldn't have to explain to everyone again, that "Hey, we still don't know". And we didn't, not till monday. The doc finally called and told us, "yes" we found the baby, and it is where it is suppose to be." Finally!!!!!

So I went to the store, bought some onezies that had something Grandma on them and Will and I gave one to our mothers and told them, "5weeks and 3days". There were a few tears, but this time of excitment.

We then told them we are not quite of the water yet. We still had one more ultrasound scheduled to make sure the baby was growing, that was this past friday. So the update is, it is growing, but we have some things we need to watch, so the baby still needs some prayer and me as well. I have a blood pressure issue that does not seem to want to cooperate, so............Pray for us.

So that has been our adventure the last couple of weeks. Exciting, stressful, tearful, and faithful. We are excited and looking foward to our anniversary tomorrow and going away for a few days.

~Steph

God and I

I have neglated my blog because I couldn't write about what was really going on in our life right now, but I would like to finally write some about it or I guess ask a question to the small group of readers I might have out there.

Why are the most delicate blessings from God sometimes the hardest ones to take in at first? Is it because he wants us to truly appreciate what he is giving us, or is it a test of some sorts? Sometimes I wish I really could sit down with God with a cup of hot tea and ask away. I sometimes imagine it.......Me telling my funny joke, and probably be the only one laughing and God telling me how he first imagined me and knew that I would always question things. I imagine his eyes comforting and his smile peaceful and warming.

Then I wake up and realize that it was only a dream. In this relationship with God I also find myself wanting to be closer, wanting to see those eyes and feel His hugs.

~Steph

Little Update

I have been very busy in the past week with planning Will's 26th surprise birthday party. I planned a bbq cookout, fire pit included with some friends a family. Then scheduled his birthday off for him at work without him knowing and planned a day for me and him.

The party went really well and we had a blast. Will was so surprised I think he actually had some tears in his eyes. Then on monday we rented a boat (got upgraded to a ponton boat for free!) and went fishing together. This would be the first time I have been fishing on a boat so I was pretty excited. It was a relaxing time. Toward the end we found a pretty sand bar area, parked the boat and took a nap. So even though we only caught one fish in the whole four hours, it was nice to be together.

So on to the next event! We are looking foward to our one year anniversary next month where we have planned a bed and breakfast in St Augustine.

We keep busy working and getting through finacially. God continues to bless us and keep us in His good graces as I pray he does you as well.

~Steph

Read Between The Lies

So this week has been a good week. I have been fasting a different kind of fast this week. Basically I have taken something bad in my life and replaced it with something good. My bad thing was food. Since medically I cannot just stop eating, I have been eating healthy, basically put myself on a diet, a diet that will not end, just keep going. It has been something I have been wanting to do, just haven't put it into action.

So I have been back to my walking schedule of 2 miles a day and I love it. I feel as though I am back to the place where I need to be. Ever since getting married a year ago it seems as though I have been doing the juggling act with my spiritual life. But this week has helped me put things into a little more prospective.

I think God was just waiting for me to realize that I cannot do this married thing on my own. That in fact, I am going to need Him for the rest of my life. Doesn't matter how many books you read or how much experience you have, you simply just need Him Forever. The sooner sometimes that we realize that the better off we will be. Even when trying to diet, I need him, and it is those little things that I have realized.

There is this song by the Annie Moses Band that I have been listening to all this week. It is called "Read between the lies". The chorus goes like this.............

If I say that I don't need you, then I will go the same without you
Bitter truth lies deep inside, my desperate alibi
Can't you see that my soul is empty, trace the tears that I hide
If you love me, read between the lies

~Steph

Sidenote

So far, during this fast, I feel as though God is speaking things to me for the future and not the present, does that sound weird?

~Steph

Attitude

That's just it, Attitude. I have only been on this fast for one day and already I found myself loosing touch of what it all means. Last night my computer was acting REALLY slow and irritated me to death. I was trying to disconnect my ipod so that I could go on my nightly walk and it was not letting me, so I got really angry.

And then I stopped, sat down and said, "wait a minute", is this really the kind of attitude God wants me to have during this fast, I mean shouldn't I be a little more Zin natured?

So I closed my eyes and prayed that the Lord would give me the right attitude and maybe I prayed that my computer would stop being so stupid! lol. After I took that moment everything fell right into place. The computer was working fine and I was out the door and the rest of the night was right on target.

So I realized that I got so caught up in the feeling of just not eating and sometimes my focus is on that. But really If I asked God if he wanted me to fast and I felt led that this is what he wanted, shouldn't I have a better attitude?

So my prayer for this morning is that my attitude will reflect my heart.

~Steph

"To Fast For God"

Ok, so our Pastor has asked the church body to fast this week, yeah, hungry already.

Actually I am looking foward to this. The pastor brought up a good point yesterday about doing this with your mate and how beneficial that this will be for our relationship with God. So not only are we coming together to pray for our country, but praying for our marriage as well during this struggling time.

Will and I are taking different approaches to the fast, by fasting certain things. I suggested fasting tv but he didn't seem very willing.......lol.

So I will keep you posted on what God is doing with us during the week. I am looking foward to spending some much needed time with God.

Cheers to water!

Steph